I’m over it; I’m done, I’m finished. You handle it now.
I’m still in my dressing gown, arguing with my reflection in the mirror.
I haven’t even had my coffee yet. WTF. Get it together. Get it together.
Do you think I like being like this, mirror woman says?
Because I’m trying to do the right thing. Because I’m trying to follow the rules, and it doesn’t feel fair. None of it does.
You don’t understand, I tell her.
I didn’t choose this.
None of us chose this. No one is doing this to us.
No one is doing anything to us, as much as it feels that way.
The world is a dark and dangerous place sometimes.
Cold and unforgiving.
Shades of black and grey.
It has always been like this for a lot of us.
Horrible things are happening, and we get dragged right into them.
We have been struggling in silence, in the quiet, alone.
This feeling, of suffering, despair, hopelessness.
This is daily for some of us.
Living a life of pain in the shadows.
Living a life of sweet desperation.
We spend so much time and energy trying to still that eternal destructive chatterbox in our head,
Or in our reflection,
Which would have us play the victim,
And destroy everything in sight,
Leaving us drowning in guilt and shame,
Before our day has even begun.
Do you think for the most part we choose it?
Did our energy attract it, like we are sometimes lead to believe?
If we were better humans, would it stop happening?
Are we the chosen few, destined for a life filled with tragedy and pain?
Or could we just walk away?
Turn 180. Change our life completely.
If things aren’t working out, choose another direction or destination, then another, then another, until we have a new destiny?
No. Not always. I mean, yes.
Yes, no, maybe, I don’t know. Do you?
Can we trust the world will lead us to where we need to go?
And to choose to do all that we can do, within our power.
Manage our mindset. Be resilient. Learn, grow, teach, do, take decisive action. And then the world will take us somewhere new.
We can choose to see each trial and tribulation as a learning moment,
As an opportunity in disguise.
This is one way to take control of our lives.
To stop the suffering, the guilt, the shame,
The exhausting mental anguish.
Just because we know we are playing a game doesn’t mean we don’t get to choose our moves.
What if the path we end up on,
The problems we face,
What if we are the only ones to solve them?
And if we don’t solve them, then no one will?
What if the world needs these answers,
We moan about how hard it is and keep trying to run away,
Only to find ourselves living out the same lesson again and again?
It’s time to take stock,
To take a stand.
When a problem presents itself, to stop and think, this is it.
This is meant for me.
I’m the one.
If I don’t solve this, no-one will.
So I choose it.
This is my destiny.