Being Interested vs being Committed; What’s the difference?
I had such terrible anxiety I barely slept a wink last night. I couldn’t relax — riddled with overwhelm, nerves and excitement all at the same time.
If I were coaching myself, I would tell myself:
There is something to notice here. Something to pay attention to.
Discomfort equals growth.
On the other side of fear lies everything.
The obstacle is the way.
And on, and on.
There are so many methods and things I teach about this very subject. Loads of ideas and things I know to do.
Yet all these magical, inspirational, motivational ideas did nothing at 9 pm, 10, 11, 12, 1 or 2 am when I was still lying there wide awake, with no sleep in sight, unable to calm my nervous system or mind down.
I told myself to stop second-guessing everything.
To stop measuring my decisions and life by what other people think — or what I think they believe.
That money isn’t everything;
Even though paradoxically it is a measure of success in society, and we actually need it to live, thrive, strive and survive.
I told myself to recognise social comparison playing out here.
To notice what experiencing the feeling of being judged by others was doing to me, needlessly.
That comparison via social media is toxic, misleading and often leads to this very thing — overwhelm, analysis paralysis, fear — dear in headlights syndrome —
Sleepless, restless nights.
And for what? What was the payoff?
Yet my brain and mind kept spinning.
I told myself to focus on the result I had decided that very evening was now a must for me — by having a crystal clear vivid vision which I can articulate with enthusiasm, joy and ease; by knowing why I must take action; by knowing where I am today, well then anything is figureoutable.
I do have the tools, skills and capabilities to design a path to get there and do all that it takes — and if find I don’t, I can quickly and easily learn them. What matters is, to be honest with myself; to measure what matters and notice what I’m getting, pivoting and changing as I act — life is just learning moments after all.
I reminded myself:
To not be afraid to fail — to do it fast.
To not be afraid of looking bad, or feeling humiliation.
To stop trying to be perfect or I’ll never get started.
To remember my mantra: I give up being perfect for being authentic.
I can be unstoppable.
Yet,
Sleep still failed to come, and the anxiety remained.
Then I remembered that the antidote to fear is appreciation, and gratitude and taking action.
So I got still, thought of much I am grateful and appreciative of,
Then got out of bed and started taking action in the wee hours,
Figuring this might let my mind, body, soul, spirit turn off so I can get up the next day and get started and be productive and powerful.
I was yawning like a crazy person, yet no sleep would come.
I took supplements.
I meditated.
I read fiction.
I listened to deep relaxation hypnosis tracks.
I got up, took action.
I thought, I pondered, I took action.
I cuddled the cat.
No sleep. Not tonight.
I thought about alcohol.
I’m not drinking at the moment — I’m on a wellbeing and health kick to start the new year, so I thought about wine for about a second and decided that I’m committed to what I’m doing with my wellbeing, so I wasn’t going to go there.
Then that was the thing that changed it all.
One tiny word.
One big epiphany.
I was overwhelmed by the feeling that I’ve tried so many things in the past, and I’m still not where I want to be in life.
I realised that I was thinking about being interested rather than being committed to my result/outcome.
There’s a big difference between being interested in achieving a specific result or outcome, and being committed to that result/outcome. Being interested isn’t enough; being interest is being curious.
Commitment requires you to do whatever it takes — all that it ethically and morally takes — while simultaneously stopping doing the things which move us away from that specific result/outcome. To decide.
In Latin, the word decision means to cut off, so making a decision is about cutting off other choices, possibilities and courses of action. Making a decision frees us from the shackles of endless choices so that we can get to where we want to go.
At last, I felt some sense of peace.
Some sense that sleep could come. Some sense that I got the message my brain was so desperate for me to see, hear, feel and know before I drifted off into a sleep state.
To my fellow thinkers, doers, lovers, givers.
To all of us who experience anxiety, overwhelm, fear and moments of being unable to calm our minds.
We feel like we are spiralling sometimes,
When life keeps us awake to the wee hours,
Sadly, I have no answers for you.
But I can share my experience and process for your brain to mull over,
In the hope, it helps your mind tell you what you need to know.
To experience peace and restful nights,
Without turning to sleeping tablets or alcohol (or other things) to try and make sleep come.
I’m usually a fantastic sleeper. Out within minutes after reading.
But when I’m not? I know with certainty,
There is always something there to notice. A message from our innermost self, that is meant to serve us well, so we can serve others and do the work we are destined to do in the world.
I hope this helps. I wrote it for you.
Stay connected to your values, your outcomes and aspirations, and become a success by your definition — not by someone else’s.
And listen to yourself; listen often.
