Grief. Suffering. Energy Vampires. Is that why am I so tired lately?
My boyfriends Dad died suddenly and unexpectedly last week. He hasn’t put it on social media — he doesn’t feel the need to, nor does he want the attention, so I’ve kept it off mine too. It was soooo very unexpected and gut-wrenching. Having lost a parent myself, I know how it feels, and watching someone you care for go through it, can be soul-destroying for them; it’s not the dream over in my corner either—when I see him hurt, I hurt too, and all that. He needed to keep busy, so he kept going to work. Then we went into lockdown here in Victoria again. Blessing in disguise for us, really.
He moved in with me temporarily, and it’s been a challenge.
Reflection.
Memories.
Love.
Loss.
Grief.
Suffering.
Pain.
Sadness.
These are but few of the things we go through when we are grieving for a loved one.
The totality of it is the both of us are slightly hunched over, slower than normal, sleeping more than usual, have gained a few pounds, retaining fluid, and the days seem more challenging and longer and shorter at that same time than usual.
I woke up with so much energy when my alarm went off. Bahahaha. I wish. Nope. Not really. It’s been a while.
I feel super exhausted. And I liken myself usually to an energiser bunny on the daily, but not at the moment. And you can see it literally. Social posts have been less. Hardly any writing has been finished. A glass of wine and burgers have become friends. Well, not really. But I’ve been craving them or carbs on the daily, so it still counts. And my pants are fairly tight at the mo.
The dream for me is to live in a beautiful state or peak state.
But my new coach today said to me, that’s not always possible.
At times like these—any kind of challenging time we may be going through (it doesn't have to be as extreme as death)—living in a resourceful state — that’s certainly good enough for now.
So that’s my focus.
Live in a resourceful state.
Maximising activities which create energy.
Do as much as possible to renourish, replenish and revitalise.
Energy is similar to our bank account.
There are activities which either diminish it or regenerate energy, much like deposits or withdrawals.
These transactions come from all kinds of thoughts and actions; they come from—
Our emotions.
Our relationships.
Our social contact with others.
Our sense of belonging.
Our sense of contribution or doing meaningful work — whether we are self or other-focused.
Our toxin exposure — alcohol, cosmetics, cleaning products, drugs (prescription or otherwise), chemicals etc.
How much sunlight we have had.
They come from how we are holding our physical body.
And our mindset —
Are we living in the past? Or the future? Or the now?
Do we believe we are in charge of our lives? Or we are helpless and stuck?
Do we believe we are the masters of our own destiny? Or life is down to chance or fate?
Are we living in scarcity and lack? Or abundance?
So, what can we do in times of grief, sadness, despair, depression and suffering? It’s not like we get to unchoose these situations happening.
We can choose to nourish ourselves as best as possible; it’s not the same for everyone. Nourishing leafy and colourful fruits and veggies work for most of us, though (and if you’re a carnivore, pair it with your favourite grass-fed meat!). And loads of water, period!
We can get as much sleep as possible. Rest is when we regenerate.
We can focus on being here and now, and not living in the past.
We can take deep breaths. We can write in our journals.
We can sit in the sun. We can light candles at night.
We can go for long walks.
We can pet our pets or other peoples pets—I accost dogs on the street all the time for random pats—their owners don’t seem to mind.
We can celebrate our wins of the day and celebrate often. Think Serena Williams fist pump or saying ‘I got this!’.
We can pick up the phone and tell people we are grateful for them, and what we are grateful for specifically.
