Making the invisible visible, even when you feel stuck and alone.
Do you ever have those days that roll into nights that roll into the next day, where you don’t sleep?
And not the fun kind where alcohol, friends or too many laughs were involved.
No, the kind where you toss and turn and seemingly can’t turn off your brain, body, or both, and sleep seems entirely elusive, to the point where although delirious with tiredness, surrounded by the darkness, you give up, in search of something to do. I don’t get them often, but when I do, meh! So frustrating. Leaving me to do that typical thing, and go on autopilot and ask, but why?
I had one of those nights last night, and worse still I was over at man friends place and didn’t want to be ‘that woman’ who woke him up at 1 am before a 4.30 am start today — his first day back at work — so I lay still, followed by tossing & turning, counting down the hours then literal minutes where I could get up and start the day, wondering how productive I would actually be on 2 hours sleep.
That is one thing I haven’t mastered if I am honest — knowing with absolute certainty that I can produce and perform at all costs, no matter the amount of sleep I manage to get the night before. I can manage my happiness levels and energy to a degree after years of practice. But my thinking, decision making and productivity? With 4–5 hours, I’ll be on form, but when I am running off 2 or 3, I’m definitely wondering how I’ll perform—and questioning whether I’ll be at a diminished capacity and turn into a meaning-making some-what sluggish machine, or whether I’ll get it together and use techniques to manage my energy and still choose powerfully to have a wonderful, productive day. So this was a perfect reminder of where exactly to focus on, as I start the new year with a pivot into focusing on wellbeing, wonder, wellness, gratitude, productivity, vitality, courage, abundance and energy.
It’s easy to be the best version of ourselves when we feel good.
Especially when we feel upbeat naturally.
To get things done. To make useful decisions.
To produce results.
To let things go.
To be productive.
To naturally be charismatic & charming,
Full of life, vitality and energy.
But when we aren’t feeling so hot—
Whether we are unwell,
Have insomnia,
Are being impacted by our friends, families, or kids lives,
Partners,
Work situation or colleagues,
The world,
Life,
The economy,
Politics or government,
COVID.
When we aren’t managing our emotions,
Or moods —
In other words,
Things that feel or occur to us outside of our control,
That is when the shittier version of ourselves can show up,
Take the reins,
And we often dismiss it,
Marginalise it,
Make it mean that it is OK because of xyz situation.
Justify how we are being, or what we are doing, deciding or choosing.
Ignore it almost.
Act righteous,
And dismiss those who call us out. Or even worse, be reactive and act like they are actually in the wrong.
We often don’t even relate it to ourselves acting in these manners,
As it doesn’t match with how we see ourselves —
Our idealised identity.
But it isn’t OK. Not at all.
It’s in challenging times when our true character comes out.
Think about it.
It’s up to us to do work on ourselves on the great and easy days,
To rehearse the way we always want to be —
Not just what comes naturally —
For the days when things aren’t ‘naturally’ going so well.
So we have practised, and
Have tools, tactics, method and way in which to not only cope or survive,
But to thrive.
In any weather.
In any mood,
In any situation,
In any climate.
To be ultimately resilient.
Unstoppable.
Unwavering.
That’s the dream, in my opinion anyway,
And I was all to clear with myself today that I have much work to do,
Which is OK,
Getting clear, honest, refocused and committed is a powerful place to be.
