The Woman In My Mirror

One of the hardest things I found going through a difficult situation was looking into a mirror.
To say I barely recognised myself is an understatement. I know this is common, but it doesn’t make it feel any less isolating or like something is fundamentally wrong with you.
Other people can guide you and help, but it is not their job to fill a void, be a bandaid, or fix you.
This poem is about hope and doing the best you can.
It is about learning to love all of yourself.
You’re not broken; all parts of you are beautiful, embrace them.

The Woman In My Mirror

It happened on September 4th,
A day which would change my life forever.
The hardest part was not coming off the motorbike,
Nor was it physical pain inflicted on my body,
Was not the men,
Being dragged,
Or escaping death.
The hardest part is the aftermath,
The shame,
The guilt,
And wondering,
Who is the woman who looks back at me in my mirror?

Who are you?
What do you want?
I feel myself shaking, trembling in fear.
Will this ever ease up?
Will the pain go away?
When will it be me,
Looking back at me?
Not her,
This stranger,
In my mirror.

I sit alone in my room,
On the corner of the bed,
The sunshine glistening on the trees outside my window,
Then I see her,
In the reflection,
And a darkness circles overhead.
I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders again.
The way through,
Just beyond my reach,
Just out of my grasp.

Somewhere deep down I know,
Each second
Of each minute
Of each hour
Of each day
Of each year
Brings with it a chance for a new beginning,
A chance to start fresh.
A chance to get to know her,
To grow to love her.

As the years go on,
She becomes older,
Wiser,
Lovelier and
Kinder.

Then I see her,
For who she really is,
A guiding light,
The woman who got me through.
Not a stranger,
In fact,
A woman doing the best she could,
A woman who stood for me when I felt I couldn’t,
A woman brave enough to try again and again every day,
A woman who saved my life when I felt I could not,
She has always been there for me —
She has always been me.

What once felt like a total stranger,
Has now become a dear old friend,
And I’ll be forever grateful,
To you,
The woman who got me through.
The woman in my mirror.