What losing my loved ones, and death, has taught me and can teach you too.
It was my Dad’s birthday yesterday. If he had lived, he would have been 62 years old.
I can’t imagine him at that age. Given he was 32 when he died, it’s hard to imagine him as an older man.
I wonder what he would be like.
What he would look like.
What he would sound like.
What kind of man he would have turned out to be.
It was also the anniversary of a friends death.
The first anniversary.
Thinking of you, Chris.
Like Dad, Chris was 38 years young.
Both were in their prime.
Sharing one date.
Connected in time.
The 24th August.
My heart goes out to all those remembering them this week.
I feel like the first one is the hardest,
Although,
It doesn’t necessarily get less painful,
In my experience.
More like,
We get more used to it.
More tolerant.
And learn to focus less on our pain,
And more on the appreciation of the time we had.
To focus on the love, we have for them in our hearts,
Our Minds,
And Memories.
For that’s the way we can keep them among the living.
I wanted to write about them yesterday.
I wanted to post on social yesterday.
But the words wouldn’t come.
I felt desperate,
Like the clock was ticking,
But still nothing.
I felt sick to my stomach,
I physically had a migraine and sore throat,
And would have liked to stay in bed all day.
But as fate had it, my partner had urgent surgery scheduled,
So instead, the day was filled with hospital drop-offs,
Errands,
Scripts filled,
Hospital pick-ups
And caretaking.
(He’s recovering well btw).
And lucky for me.
It made me feel useful,
And actually, be useful.
As sometimes those days leave us with low energy,
Less capacity,
An achy heart and mind,
And I’ve learned over time,
That’s perfectly OK,
And to create space for whatever shows up.
The world is filled with obstacles.
Some days are more challenging than others.
To my fellow humans,
To everyone having a hard time,
Breathe,
And take a minute to centre yourself.
This, too, shall pass.
And,
If we are creative,
We may be able to create upside out of our struggles.
Let our pain,
And problems,
Be fuel for creation,
And possibility.
